I was in hospital from the 26th October- 26th November 2020 following a suicide attempt. I had tried to get hold of as many of my meds as I could and took them. Hannah split up with me back in July (2020) and things went down hill from then. My best friend ‘R’ wasn’t allowed to speak to me anymore because of his girlfriend. My other friend ‘N’ disowned me because of my mental health. In early October I was a victim of fraud to the sum of £25,000 which is still an ongoing court case to get him prosecuted. This was someone I knew and looked at as a friend, however what friend could have done this? I was so anxious and overwhelmed that I now owed these loan companies thousands of pounds and my supposed ‘friend’ had all of the money. All of these things contributed to me having flashbacks and yet again trying to take my life.
pre admission
I was sent to the psych ward after being with the crisis mental health liaison team in the hospital for 21 hours. In the liaison room there are no beds, just chairs to sit and sleep on and you’d have people coming in during the night to speak with the mental health team with their own crises. Some would be fine whilst others weren’t. I remember feeling scared as one guy threw a chair. There was one lady who was with me in the liaison area and then went into the psych ward 6 hours before I did and we reunited there. I can’t remember her name now.
Admission to the psych ward
On admission I was shown to my room like twice before, but this time I was told I couldn’t leave my room for 3 days due to the covid isolation period. This was too much for me and a few hours later I had set the alarm off by trying to hang myself from the door. This sent members of staff rushing to my room. I was fine- as soon as the alarm went off I dropped what I was doing. They moved me rooms to one right by the nursing station so they could keep an eye on me…and that’s where I stayed for the rest of my time on the ward. They kept an eye on me for a little longer and I tried to put something round my neck- I was then placed on level 3 observations which meant that someone had to be with me all of the time, no matter where I was. Even in the shower and the toilet. It was on level 3 observations that I got to know my favourite HCA, Sharize. She’s South African and she’s brilliant. Except one time I was having a flashback and hearing voices at the same time and she said ‘stop this nonsense’ and touched my back…as soon as she touched me, I let out a scream. I was angry with her for about 2 hours or so and then she made me smile so I couldn’t be angry with her anymore. She also gave me vape juice when I had none! In total I was on level 3 for 3 weeks so got to know the staff pretty well.
Doctor/ consultant psychiatrist
There was a different doctor to the consultant I’d had twice before. She seemed more understanding and caring and genuinely the nicest Doctor I have ever met to this day. Due to COVID there was no visitors allowed in the building, so I had to see my family through a grated window in my bedroom. I would tire easily so they’d stay an hour maximum. The Doctor spoke to my mum a few times through the grated window which was helpful as all my mum wanted to do was talk about why I was in a crisis.
Friends
I made two good friends on the ward ‘K’ and ‘R’ who are lovely. K and I did yoga one day and the lady who was on my obs I now work with sometimes in the general ward of the hospital. I visit K most weeks, and she’s recently had her appendix removed. R I don’t see as much anymore unfortunately this is because she went into hospital and a few weeks later when she was out I was back in hospital again.
Self Mental Health Progression 